Review: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Game)

Having never played Transformers: War for Cybertron, Transformers: Dark of the Moon popped by "developed by High Moon Studios" Transformers cherry. And just like real life, poppin' my cherry in this situation was just as uneventful—it didn't last long and I doubt I'll remember it in a week. That is not to say the game is bad, it's just as average as average can be. To put it in perspective, my favorite moment was experiencing Nolan North not only in voice, but visually as well—seen early on in a video.

For those who care about the current Transformers films, Dark of the Moon is a prequel to the film of the same name. There is no LaBeouf, no transforming females, and nothing that makes me immediately think of the films; though, I have not seen the latest despite watching Michael Bay and company destroy my home of Chicago in person. The story may be of interest to someone invested in the films, but I stopped paying attention almost immediately. I would expect those interested in the game to be more curious about the gameplay and the gameplay was just as uninteresting.

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There's a reason they didn't call her Mrs. 'Splosion Man

Ms. 'Splosion Man has plenty of game, but her charm is almost non-existent. Everything I loved about 'Splosion Man—the gameplay, style, music, and charm—found its way into Ms. 'Splosion Man except for the charm. This lack of charm is due to an abundance of dialogue from the title character and her "nails on a blackboard" voice. Quoting 90's female pop songs is a great idea, but saying them over and over again every thirty seconds is a horrible idea, especially when there isn't much variety. There was a point when she threw out three separate quotes in about fifteen seconds and I just wanted to slap her.

I relieved this annoyance by muting the vocal-specific audio, but this only managed to remove an irritation and did nothing to add charm. Getting past my distaste for the choices made specifically with the character, the game is still fun for the most part. The gameplay is basically identical with new aspects added on a fairly regular basis and some really well thought out level design; however, the camera can force multiple attempts due to cheapness and not user error. The visuals are improved and my favorite part of the game is without question, the music. I eventually stopped playing because a charmless game is not as enjoyable as a "charmless man" and I ceased having any fun.

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Review: The Fish Dies in the End (iPhone/iPod Touch)

The Fish Dies in the End is a game where you play a fish—a fish that, in fact, dies in the end. There is more to this game than dying in the end and it is a surprising bit of fun, if a little on the kiddie-themed side. The basic gameplay is a familiar, "get as far as you can while avoiding obstacles," style of play as you control a fish attempting to avoid other fish and dangerous plants. It's very simple; touching the screen makes the character go higher and letting go makes him go down—that's what she said—and it all works rather well, but the game's downfall is its lack of polish.

The visuals are extremely basic and lack character. I love fish and believe there is a ridiculous amount of beauty to be found in their numerous habitats, but none of that exists in this game. It takes the fish theme and creates a very plain style and it's hard for me to enjoy looking at the game for extended periods of time. That being said, children may love the simplistic, cartoony style and the music feels one hundred percent directed towards those young whippersnappers.

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How a random name generator can fail

ReviewMendation: Tiny Tower (iOS)

What's a "ReviewMendation?" It's not quite a review and not quite a recommendation; it's a combination of the two, put together in a single word that is far more stupid than it is clever.

One of my favorite Sim games is SimTower, but with the lack of a SimTower 2 or SimTower 3000 or even a SimTower: Elevator Action Edition, I am probably in the minority. Tiny Tower is essentially a brand new SimTower, simplified for its platforms—iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad. The simplification works well on smaller devices, but seems out of place and not nearly as appealing on the iPad. The real accomplishment of Tiny Tower, however, is its freemium model that actually allows one to never have the need to spend a single penny.

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Hard Lines: The Comic - 'The Universal'

Full comic with clickage of linkage or clickage of picture... age.

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Pinball FX2 and Ms. Splosion Man to make sweet love

It may or may not be common knowledge by now, but I love pinball, Pinball FX2, and I love Twisted Pixel too—intentional rhyming as always. If you're a quick thinker, you already know what I'm about to say. Zen Studios and Twisted Pixel have just announced a partnership to create a Ms. Splosion Man themed pinball table for Pinball FX2—sorry, but PlayStation 3 owners won't be seeing this table. I don't know about you, but I'm super excited to get this table in my hands and may very well prematurely 'splode in my pants. Details below:

“LOS ANGELES – July 7, 2011 – ZEN Studios & Twisted Pixel today announced a Ms. Splosion Man themed pinball table is coming to Pinball FX2 on Xbox LIVE® Arcade this summer. Sploding with energy and full of punchy surprises, Ms. Splosion Man pinball represents the passion of two of Xbox Live’s finest independent studios collaborative efforts, and the result is an insane level of fun.

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Immediate Impressions: Child of Eden

Child of Eden may be the only game capable of ever honestly saying, "Better with Kinect." I have only just begun playing the game, but the feeling I obtain from playing Child of Eden with Kinect is genuinely a new experience. The music is a key component, but playing with my hands—take this time to say your dirty jokes—delivers a sense of immersion and excitement I haven't felt in a long time—more time for dirty jokes. I can't help my lack of originally in the coming statement, but Child of Eden justifies my purchase of Kinect.

With all that said, playing with Kinect—while making it a more enjoyable experience—does not make it easier. Success is much more obtainable with the use of a controller, but the blissful joy takes a hit when controls get physical. There is just something exhilarating about using the Kinect to play this game. The controls are simple—either use one hand for lock-on and one for tracers, or clap to change between the two—and most importantly, the controls work. At no time do I feel as if I'm moving unnaturally to appease the game and I quickly find myself lost in what is currently—from my limited experience—the reason to buy a Kinect.

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Hard Lines: The Comic - 'Independence Day'

Full comic with clickage of linkage or clickage of picture... age.

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Hard Lines: The Comic - 'Fruit Lines'

Based off Hard Lines, available now on iTunes (iPhone/iPod Touch - $0.99 Sale)