The iPad 2: someone's getting punched in the face

Updated on Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 2:25AM by Marc Kusnierz

I took this picture with my iPod Touch's camera. You know, because I'm all meta and shit.

I will try and make this quick, which essentially means I will ramble uncontrollably into a dyslexic mess of loquacious dialogue. I am now the proud owner of an iPad 2. Yes, the iPad 2 released today at 5PM local time and yes, I waited in line to guarantee a purchase. Believe it or not, this is the first time I have ever waited in a line such as this in order to buy a product. Let me say this, if all waiting lines are like this, I would happily become a "waiter" more often.

I decided to do something I never do on this thankfully lovely day. I have never participated in a midnight launch, nor have I every waited for a hot new console or piece of tech. I decided to make an exception for the iPad 2 because Amazon will not be selling it and if I am going to pay sales tax, I am sure as hell going to get that product on day one. So, I walked what would probably be a tad over two miles (one way) and found myself to be the third man in line at my local Best Buy -- one, I was literally the third man in line and two, my favorite number is three. What happened next came as a surprise.

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Insult Ninja: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

If you want to reveal the joke you've heard 967 times before, whore it up with a click.

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The Sausagefied Dreamcast Collection Giveaway

Updated on Saturday, March 19, 2011 at 2:30AM by Marc Kusnierz

If you are a Sega fan, especially lovers of the Dreamcast, you are going to love the words escaping my keyboard. Sega has been nice enough to provide this here site with a copy of the Dreamcast Collection for Xbox 360, a copy of the Dreamcast Limited Edition Vinyl, and two very special Dreamcast hoodies (sizes to be determined). I don't know about you, but I would surely love to win me some of this lovely Sega swag. Enough chit-chat, time to deliver the information you really want: How do I [you] win them?

I always thought the question was, "to be or not to be," but apparently more people care about winning video game prizes. This lovely Dreamcast extravaganza will feature multiple ways to win. And, like my previously held giveaway, these prizes will only be eligible for Pixelated Sausage members, so sign up for an account and make it rain -- I don't know what that means. Anyway, onto the rules, ways to enter, and all important information.

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Review: Dreamcast Collection (Multi)

Let me say before anything else that the score listed below is reflective of the Dreamcast Collection's value and not the quality of the actual games included. First, you get four $10 Xbox LIVE Arcade games for $30. Second, you get two Xbox LIVE Arcade games -- Space Channel 5 Part 2 and Sega Bass Fishing -- before they are digitally released. With all that out of the way, I shall get onto the actual games. Also, please forgive my broken-record syndrome throughout this review.

I have been dreading this review because I really don't enjoy delivering virtual negativities about games from one of my favorite systems. The fact is, the Dreamcast Collection offers few choices and is nothing but a glorified XBLA hub. It would be an understatement to call the UI limited, as it is barely even existent. Loading the collection brings you to a screen with the ability to choose one of four available games; upon making a choice, the ability to switch games doesn't seem to exist without returning to the dashboard and starting all over again. It is an extremely frustrating experience that has no excuse. I could go on and on, but the disc in nothing but an independent game launcher.

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Super Pixelated Sausage Giveaway Winners

You will either love this list or hate it; it really depends on whether you're on it or not. Below rests all the lucky winners of the recent -- way too massive -- contest held here at Pixelated Sausage. If you didn't win this time, just remember that all members are automatically entered in all future contests and this is far from the last contest/giveaway. Once again, I just want to thank everyone who entered and got involved; it means a lot and I hope you found something of worth in all of this. Enough jibber jabber and more winner wabber. Yeah, I don't know what that mean either.

Winners*:

• ohram -- Winner of Trash Panic (PSN)
• @mightymek -- Winner of Age of Booty (PSN), Blokus (PSN) and multiple iOS games.
• @AndrewCarey17 -- Winner of Mavel vs. Capcom 2 (PSN)
• @LilllithDravin -- Winner of a $10 iTunes Giftcard
• Daniel Yu -- Winner of Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days (Steam)
• @jGazMom -- Winner of Alan Wake (X360)
• @JPtheProdigy -- Winner of a $10 iTunes Giftcard
• @Bioware_Contest -- Winner of a $10 iTunes Giftcard
• @Vod_Crack -- Winner of Broken Sword: The Sleeping Dragon (Steam)
• @Gamingftw92 -- Winner of Thief: Deadly Shadows (Steam)
• Tyler Smith -- Winner of Left 4 Dead (Steam)
• @PrarieD0G -- Winner of a $10 iTunes Giftcard
• @silentplatypus -- Winner of Cursed Mountain: Limited Edition (Wii)

Full list can be found with an obviously whorish click.

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Insult Ninja: Men with Small Feet

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The Oscars 2011: a few snubs from this here bub

The Oscars are only hours away and while there may be plenty of nominations to go around, there will always be snubs. This year features three particular snubs: Tangled for 'Best Animated Feature,' The Tillman Story for 'Best Documentary (feature),' and Tron: Legacy for 'Best Original Score.' I know you're probably saying, "what about Christopher Nolan for 'Best Director?'" Well, I wasn't particularly a fan of Inception and nothing about that film shouted great directing.

• Snub Numero Uno

I know everyone is deep up Toy Story 3's anus like they 're giving it a colonoscopy -- trust me, you'd find polyps -- but there was a far better animated film released in 2010. That film is called Tangled and it is a return to classic Disney; it is what The Princess and the Frog wanted to be. I did not expect much out of this film, but when I saw it -- I happened to be one of the few males adults not accompanied by a child -- I immediately fell in love. If you loved the most recent Disney classics -- such as Aladdin, The Lion King, and Beauty and the Beast -- I'd find it hard for you to escape Tangled's  loveliness. Not only is this film my favorite animated feature of 2010, it may even be my favorite overall film of 2010. By the way, the film is absolutely beautiful. -- Other snubs with clickage.

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Quick Hit: You Don't Know Jack

I recently started playing You Don't Know Jack, a popular trivia-based video game that I was actually more familiar with as a physical game. My time has been brief as it is a recent purchase, but I absolutely love the game and have a hard time stopping once I start. The problem with all of this is, like with any trivia game, you will eventually run out of questions. This problem lead me to a potential solution: a subscription-based system.

I do not know if there would be a sizable demand for a subscription-based trivia game, but I know I would gladly pay ten or fifteen dollars a month for weekly content packs. This kind of system would allow for a constant stream of new content, not to mention, current content. I know this kind of system will never be implemented in the current iteration of You Don't Know Jack -- or any other recently release trivia game -- but I would love to see this system in future releases, which almost seems contradictory to my usual feelings towards subscription fees.

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Review: Marvel Pinball (Multi)

I am an admitted fan of pinball in whatever form readily available, so Marvel Pinball should be right up my alley. With that said, and a voice that mischievously alludes to disappointment, I absolutely love Marvel Pinball. It isn't perfect -- Iron Man says something inappropriate to a young lady other than "hi." -- but you get plenty of bang for your buck and the tables really utilize their video game format.

If you played any Pinball FX tables previously, you already know exactly how the Marvel tables feel, and now you are beginning to wonder why they're so special. Yes, the license is part of the fun and a Marvel fan will find more enjoyment than a Bizarro Marvel fan, a.k.a., a DC fan. Putting the license aside, the tables are simply designed in a way that could only work in a video game, creating unique tables full of memorable moments and elevated action -- a horrible attempt at a joke.

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Review: TNT Racers (Multi)

The first thing I noticed as I played TNT Racers was the lack of any TNT. There are many weapons of mass (and minor) destruction, but I was irrationally disappointed by the lack of trinitrotoluene. Now that I got the misleading title out of the way -- the 'TNT' actually stands for 'Tracks N Tricks' -- let me just say that TNT Racers is surprisingly good, while being expectedly unimpressive at the same time. That last sentence may be hard to judge, so let me elaborate in the form of a new paragraph.

TNT Racers is a racing game -- obviously -- and varies from pure races to battle races to solo, time-based races. This game came out of nowhere and I honestly didn't expect much, but I was, for the most part, pleasantly surprised. The vehicles control rather well, but they also control exactly the same. There is absolutely no variety in vehicle choice, other than cosmetic differences.  It isn't a huge deal, but the lack of variety takes away what could have been an added layer of depth and strategy. There are plenty of weapons/items to grab while racing, but even these never feel like enough.

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