L.A. Noire just learned me all up in my face

Ignore the horribly written title above; my eyes are just opened to a whole new world of facts. Below I have listed a few discoveries fond during my time with L.A. Noire and I can't wait to put them into practice. I do not endorse any of these acts and if you attempt any of them, make sure you cry to Fox News. Because I know how stupid people can be, especially on the internet, let me say right now that this entire post is a joke. Thank you, come again.

• If your wife cheats on you, it is perfectly fine—and LAPD approved—to burn her house down.
• Everyone is a liar. This is always true, or I could be lying. You're filled with doubt now, aren't you?
• The characters mean nothing; cases mean everything.
• It is okay for cops to hit and run as long as they use the siren. It is, after all, common courtesy.
• Your obese mother can easily climb a pipe in her Sunday dress. She could also run a marathon and find a spot on the U.S. Olympic hurdles team.

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Expose yourself to Northern Exposure

Northern Exposure is a show I've known about for years, but always looked the other way. I expected a formulaic show about a culture-shocked doctor who slowly falls for the new home he initially hates. Upon viewing—I am currently midway through the third season—Northern Exposure kidnapped my expectations, took them into the woods and promptly fed them dim sum. That last bit of nonsense is filled with references to the show, but to put it in simpler terms, I adore every single second.

Northern Exposure hides an abundance of quirk and cleverness behind its seemingly generic face. In watching the show, I find moments that leave me saying, "Hey! I always thought *insert more current TV show here* did that first, but here it is in Northern Exposure." At times, the characters will talk to the audience, or an entire episode will take place in a dream. There lies a wonderful world full of rich characters of countless differing and conflicting personalities. It isn't often I find a show where I enjoy every single character, even those who may only appear sporadically.

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Review: Marvel Pinball: Fantastic Four (Multi)

Marvel Pinball came out way back in December 2010 and if you're like me, you have been impatiently waiting for the next Marvel-themed table. The wait is finally over thanks to the release of Marvel Pinball: Fantastic Four. It may seem odd that they chose Fantastic Four over Thor—a pretty good Thor film may or may not have just crossed a rainbow bridge into theaters—but Marvel's First Family makes for great pinball and it just so happens to be their 50th anniversary.

If you remember, I really enjoyed the initial release of Marvel Pinball and Zen Studios unsurprisingly delivers another great table. I'm honestly not the biggest Fantastic Four fan, but their table features the variety and interactivity I've come to expect from Pinball FX 2 tables. The visuals and controls are great as usual, but I truly believe the audio takes the top spot here—the music, voice work, and effects all come together into a wonderful, cohesive package. The audio is simply fantastic for all aspects—I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself—and really gives the table an extra sense of excitement.

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Impressions: L.A. Noire so far

The game in L.A. Noire and these are a few quick impressions of aspects I enjoy and those I dislike. Keep in mind I am still early in the game—as far as I know—and some things may change, but others will likely sit tight. You will likely notice complaints and compliments that seem extremely minute, but we all have our own nits in need of picking. With all that said, here is some good and some bad from L.A. Noire, from the point of view of man who named his site "Pixelated Sausage."

The Good

The facial animation is obviously well done—if a little exaggerated at times—and adds genuine emotion to fictional characters. The story is interesting and the voice acting is top-notch, but there seems to be no existence of a large, encompassing story. The fact that I can adjust the audio level of dialogue separately is a huge relief—I know this is not a big deal for most. The ability to play the game in black and white. Being able to say, "Hey! It's that actress who sucked on Steve Carell's toes in The 40 Year Old Virgin!" And last but not least, the maturity of L.A. Noire—not in levels of violence, language, or sexuality, but in its literal maturity. -- The bad (and more) comes with clickage.

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Review: Moriarty #1

Moriarty: The Dark Chamber is the best new series I have read in ages—written by Daniel Corey, with art by Anthony Diecidue. It takes the character of Professor Moriarty and places him in a world where Sherlock Holmes is dead. I didn't know much about the character beforehand—as I never followed the tales of Holmes—but this comic holds up on its own. The writing, art, pacing, and self-contained story are all wonderfully put together into a cohesive piece of art. I really haven't heard much chatter prior to its release, but I hope this all changes because Moriarty #1 is a must-buy for not only comic fans, but fans of literature in general.

This is an extremely well done first issue and manages to deliver loads of information without ever feeling talky or excessive. This issue kept my interest from page one until the very end and my only disappointment is that it had to eventually end. There are twists, turns and moments of action that fill the story with life and excitement. These bits of action happen sparingly and do well in balancing the overall story. I found no fault in the what I've read to this point and I can't wait to see where it goes when the second issue hits in June.

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Footprints: A Monster Murder Mystery

Footprints: A Monster Murder Mystery is the definition of an independent comic—written by Joey Esposito, with art by Jonathan Moore and letters by Adam O. Pruett. Footprints is the noir tale of Bigfoot and company looking to find the reason for his brother's death—the one and only Yeti. I didn't know what to expect upon reading the first issue, but needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. The story and writing was more interesting and engrossing than some of the more recent published works I've read and the art fits the style perfectly.

I don't want to spoil the story—issue #1 can be read in its entirety for free here or below—so I will do my best to avoid such troubled waters. Footprints avoids my biggest pet peeve in comics: excess dialogue. Footprints delivers its story with what you need and nothing more, which is something I always appreciate. The use of cryptic creatures changes what would be an average noir tale to something more unique, but Esposito's major accomplishment is his ability to give a distinct personality to each character right off the bat. I immediately knew who these characters were and almost felt like I've been reading their stories for more than just one issue. The best compliment I can give is that I wanted to read issue #2 the second I finished issue #1.

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Review: Moon Knight #1

Moon Knight was—and still relatively is—a character I know nothing about, other than his few video game appearances. I noticed some buzz around Moon Knight #1 and decided to give it a whirl. My experience has left me in somewhat of a standstill. I absolutely love the art, but the story seems a tad difficult for a new reader. I, being a new reader, found myself lost with the beginning and immediately felt like I was jumping into the middle of a story. But, a little research solves everything.

When asking for some general information about Moon Knight, I was told—by @Chronorayven—Moon Knight is basically Batman with split personalities, who is an avatar for the Egyptian god Khonshu. This short description peaked my interest—specifically the split personality bit—and it's one of the better reveals in the story, from an outsider's view. I don't want to reveal too much because I don't know what may already be known or any of that jazz, so I'll play it as safe as I do with loose women.

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Review: The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde #1

The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde is a concoction mixing Jekyll and Hyde with Jack the Ripper. This sounds like an interesting idea, but first impressions leave me worried about the future of this four issue series. The writer, Cole Haddon, is a new face and it shows—The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde #1 is his first published work. The issue is very loquacious and the majority of dialogue never grabbed my interest. I am willing to give another chance in hopes all failings are due to a need to setup the story, but I am very hesitant.

The basic idea surrounding The Strange Case of Mr. Hyde is that an inspector, Thomas Adye, is working the case of Jack the Ripper.  Adye finds the case difficult to comprehend from a certain—not so physically possible—perspective and ends up asking the imprisoned Jekyll for help. These moments between Adye and Jekyll are unquestionably the most fascinating, but they still fail to grab more than a few figments of interest. It's hard to do much when one character is imprisoned, so I'm hoping future issues utilize this unique partnership with more than just detached conversations.

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This is not why I love TMNT

This is why I love TMNT

Enough said. -- Clickity-click for full-size. -- Maybe I should do a dramatic reading for Pixelated Radio.