Review: Dungeon Defenders (Multi)

If you game on a fancy schmancy mobile phone, Dungeon Defenders may bring feelings of déjà vu, as the game released on iOS and Android almost a year ago, which just so happens to be when I first played the game. That said, I always felt something was missing in the initial release, something physical, something resembling any object with buttons and analog sticks that protrude from the device. Well guess what, Dungeon Defenders now comes with protrusion and, for the most part, I couldn't be happier. For instance, the visuals are beautiful with style and charm, making me happy.

Dungeon Defenders will feel familiar to anyone who has played Trenched or the like as it's another tower defense game where you actually control your own character. What comes across more so in Dungeon Defenders is just how much customization can go into the development of each individual character. With a level cap of seventy, many different skills to upgrade, and the ability to upgrade armor, weapons, and pets, there exists many ways to create a character who fits your personality. My only sadness comes from a lack of visible differences with new armor; however, weapons show visual distinction and there at least exists the ability to change a character's colors.

Click to read more ...

The Cursed Crusade is cursed today

The Cursed Crusade is quite possibly the greatest hair salon simulator ever created. With a tailored swift swipe, you and your magical sword can both cut off a man's head and render his scalp hairless at the same time! "But Marc, why would anyone want a haircut as I die?" What a silly question, but I'll humor you with an answer: necrophilia is steadily growing in popularity and if I was going to get sexually molested by fetishistic necrophiles, I would sure as hell want to look good while it happens.

Jokes aside, what I have played of The Cursed Crusade was rather awful on almost every level. The combat is boring and repetitive, the controls are sluggish, the visuals are visually unappealing, and the game has more bugs than my soon-to-be molested copse. It somewhat feels like an attempt to mix Assassin's Creed with more fantasy elements, but  the execution leaves me wishing for my own execution, as my brief time brought no fun and little material for puns. You-all can try out the game for yourself in a demo available now on Xbox LIVE and PSN. Go cut some hair.

Click to read more ...

Review: Pinball FX2: Sorcerer's Lair (Multi)

Sorcerer's Lair is an original table that released earlier this year on PSN (Zen Pinball) and has finally made its way to XBLA and Pinball FX2. "This is a fairy, cutesy hell hole!" I exclaimed upon launching the table for the first time, finding the aesthetic initially unappealing. After getting past the bug-eyed kids all up in my face, I started falling in love with the abundance of color and surprisingly found myself playing what would become one of my favorite tables to date.

After getting past the blast of purple and adorable eyes, I came to appreciate the beauty of Sorcerer's Lair. It does rely heavily on blue and purple, but there are hints of fellow colors throughout, making for one pretty ass table. In addition to the general table, specific missions take you to another area and add a tidbit of variety in both gameplay and visuals, both of which are enjoyable in their respective ways. If nothing else, Sorcerer's Lair has destroyed all my future political plans, exposing my flip-flop tendencies, and helping me discover I still kind of dig purple in more than just Donatello art.

Click to read more ...

Scribblenauts Remix magically arrives in the App Store

You may or may not know at this point, but Scribblenauts Remix found its way into the App Store earlier today as a Universal app. The release came out of nowhere and is one of the loveliest surprises I've had in quite some time. I remember wishing for such a port to happen last year and never expected to see it come to fruition, but today has randomly created this game by pulling out a magical keyboard and typing "give me a friggin' iOS Scribblenauts game already dammit! And iOS 5 too." Lo and behold, that shit actually works! I have now realized the last sentence makes no sense if you've never played the game, so let me give the simplest description: Scribblenauts is a puzzle game in which you solve puzzles by creating objects with a virtual keyboard. And you can make God fight a tiger.

A few details on this particular release: One, it features forty levels from a mixture of both Scribblenauts and Super Scribblenauts, as well as ten brand new levels created just for the iOS release. Two, it does include the Super Scribblenauts edition of adjectives. And three, it plays pretty damn well and looks especially pretty on iPad. If you're new to the series, this seems to be a great version of the game at a great price. And if you've played the DS games like the guy who just typed "like the guy," I'd say having a version of Scribblenauts always sitting in your pocket is reason enough.

Click to read more ...

Microsoft Studios acquires Twisted Pixel

"Today we announce that Twisted Pixel is joining the Microsoft Studios Family." [Major Nelson]

"It's about damn time!" [me]

"What took them so long?!" [me]

Two quotes from yours truly upon hearing the news, minus the occasional expletive of course. I have been waiting for this day since 'Splosion Man and after so much time had passed, I never expected such a thing to happen anymore. I don't know where this acquisition will take Twisted Pixel creatively, but I hope it's simply a way of taking away any financial concerns, allowing full creative control and freedom. And if I had any say in their next project, I'd love to see a big budget sequel to The Maw.

Click to read more ...

Yo dawg, I herd you like Dark Souls

Review: SkyDrift (Multi)

"You are the first now."

I heard this many times because I am, one, quite lovely, and two, it's what the announcer often says whilst moving into first place. I don't know why, but I love it in the same way I love "A winner is you." You are probably reading this little tidbit and saying, "that's nice and all, but you have yet to mention the actual game." That which I speak of is the surprisingly fun SkyDrift. I wasn't surprised due to low expectations, but thanks to a sour initial impression. I may have been in a poor mindset initially, but after a few races, I found myself hours into the future, riding a time machine of fun.

My initial impression was poor because SkyDrift lacks the charm and style that would otherwise grab my attention. It's not that the game looks bad—it is actually quite beautiful—it just has no defining style that would stick out in a crowd. But as previously stated, the visuals are rather good and the courses are varied—such themes as snow, forest, desert, and what you'd expect—and full of wonderful particle effects and environmental hazards. The game looks great, I just wish it had more style to set it apart.

Click to read more ...

VidRhythm free for limited time

Interested in making some crazy videos with ease? Do you want to do it for only five dollars? Well too bad, you're going to have to pay nothing for a limited time to grab a copy of VidRhthym on the App Store. VidRhthym is from the wonderful guys and gals over at Harmonix and is equal parts awesome and terrifying. I've messed with the program a bit and made some interesting videos, but I'm still not sure if I want to post any of them. Let's just say I'm not sure if I want to whip it out in public, but I definitely have fun playing with it in private. After taking some time to remove every bit of horrifying imagery, take a few seconds and download this lovely little app, it only costs a few megabytes.

Click to read more ...

Hard Lines makes a hard line for Android

I am very happy to announce some great news for you to use, making you buy a new game for all of your poos. I don't know if you remember, but I love Hard Lines, a great game on iOS devices. Well, now the game has finally made its way to Android devices and is primed to take over the world! I am going to shut up now so you can buy the game already, but if you're on the fence, check out my review and know that playing this game gives me my own hard line. Yeah, I made a penis joke.

Click to read more ...

Quickie: Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster (Xbox 360)

As someone who spends absolutely no time with children, Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster is a must-buy for anyone with children, so start impregnating everyone you see if you're in dire need of an excuse to play this adorable game. Is the game really a must-buy for parents? I actually can't answer that for two reasons: one, as stated earlier, I have no child or spend time with children in general; and two, I only played a snippet and cannot comment on the game as a whole. That said, Once Upon a Monster has all the charm of Sesame Street and was a solid experience I can only assume a child, and parents alike, would love long time.

In my little time with the uncharacteristically friendly monsters, I was immediately impressed with the amount of color and vibrancy. The game is by no means a visual powerhouse technically, but the style and Sesame Street vibe is in full effect. In addition to the psychedelic,  but drug-free, visuals, the audio is all top-notch, with characters voiced by their actual voice actors. Every crevice feels right and the Kinect controls all seem to work rather well, but nothing I played required precise controls—such as dancing, sneaking, and creeping around—so that may be part of the reason.

Click to read more ...