I'd Rather Eat Myself Than Spend Anymore Time Playing Cannibal Cuisine | FIRST!

Cannibal Cuisine takes the Overcooked recipe, throws in a bit a tourist killing, and hopes its one new ingredient is just what the doctor ordered, except this doctor is apparently a vegan. There are a lot of Overcooked-likes out there and Cannibal Cuisine is both bad at being one of them, while also failing to do anything interesting with its one unique element--the whole cannibalism thing. Unless you love games like this and are beyond sick and tired of every other imitator, there's no reason to waste your time or money on Cannibal Cuisine. I never like saying that because such blunt statements come across as mean, but sometimes the truth hurts.

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Battle Brothers Fails at Welcoming New Members to Its Family | FIRST!

Battle Brothers commits one of gaming's greatest sins when it comes to onboarding new players: it doesn't. It says there is a tutorial and recommends starting on Easy, but if what I played was supposed to be a tutorial, it was a cruel joke. Opinions will differ, but if a game can't take the time to teach me how to play it, I'm not going to take the time to learn how to play it, especially when it comes to strategy games. Battle Brothers might be a good game, it might even be a great one, but it didn't respect my time by expecting me to seek outside help in order to learn how to play it and there's nothing I hate more than a game that doesn't respect my time.

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Best to Leave Blackwind as Little More Than Dust in the Wind... | FIRST!

I think we've all had enough of the number jokes by now, so let's just keep it nice and simple, eh. In this episode of FIRST!, I talk about Blackwind, a sci-fi action game where you pilot a mech suit and take out aliens and giant bugs while quipping endlessly along the way. The thing about Blackwind is, it's not a bad game, but it's not particularly good either. It falls into the "Perfectly Fine and Forgettable" camp. If you literally had nothing else to play, you wouldn't have a terrible time with Blackwind, but if you don't find yourself in such an improbable situation, you're best finding something else to spend both your money and time on--at $25, it's hard sell--but don't take my written word for it, take my spoken word instead.

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Night Trap? More Like Night Mirror If You Know What I Mean... | Attack the Backlog

Updated on Sunday, February 13, 2022 at 6:00PM by Marc Kusnierz

On this episode of Attack the Backlog, Marc spies on teenage girls while trapping vampire ninjas in Night Trap, an FMV game that's pretty stupid and infamous for its help in creating the ESRB thanks to having scenes that were considered, "sexually suggestive and exploitive." Night Trap originally came out on October 15, 1992, for Sega CD and has since been released on a handful of other platforms, including, most recently, the Switch, PS4, and Vita (yep, even the Vita). Anyway, something-something, I think it might be a trap, but I'm still going to fap fap, cheers and enjoy the...wait for it...show.

Anyway, that's it and that's all folks. You can get an even more in-depth discussion by listening to the podcast and, if you're feeling extra generous, you can become a patron, donate a little something, or subscribe to show your support for the site, the podcasts, the streaming, the videos, the art, and everything in between. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to consume any of the content I make and thank you for being a fan. I can't begin to express how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Cheers.

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It's Pronounced Va-Gan-Te, Not Vag and Tea...I Think, Hehe | FIRST!

Say hello to the third episode of FIRST!, the second episode of SECOND!!, or maybe, just maybe, it's the first episode of THIRD!!!. All I can say for sure is, this joke is well past the point of being even remotely funny, I'm sorry, and I hope you can all forgive me. That said, this episode is all about Vagante, an action-platformer roguelike that's almost a good time, but falters in one key area and, sadly, the sum of the other parts doesn't make up for this one deficiency--which I'll leave a mystery so you have some reason to watch the video. Does that mean Vagante is a bad game? No--in fact, my problem may actually be a good thing in your eyes--but I can't help but be disappointed by what could have been and I think, with a few tweaks, Vagante could have been a great game instead of the "just okay" game it is.

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Cake Invaders is Basically Space Invaders, but With Cake...and Missile Command Frosting | FIRST!

Say hello to the second episode of FIRST!, or maybe it's the first episode of SECOND!!? Who's to say? I am. I am who can say either way. And I say nay. It is just the second episode of FIRST! and that's that. Speaking of this episode, this episode is all about Cake Invaders, a cute mashup of Space Invaders and Missile Command that's a good time while it lasts, even if said time is only about 15 minutes. With nothing but an arcade mode and the ability to chase high scores, your mileage will vary greatly; though, since it's priced at only $5.99, you should be able to get your money's worth out of it. If nothing else, you'll bag yourself some quick and easy achievements.

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Am I The New Master of Shadow Man? | FIRST!

Say hello to the first episode of FIRST! (capitals and exclamation mark included), the show where I give you my first impressions of a game, hot off the presses, recorded immediately after playing for your listening pleasure. This first episode of FIRST! is all about Shadow Man Remastered, a remastering of a game I never played when it originally came out and know little about today. Did I like it? Did I hate it? Did I enjoy killing dogs in it? All those questions and more will be answered by watching the video above (or, if you still prefer consuming your content all audio-like, you can listen to the audio-only version via the old Pixelated Sausage Podcast feed).

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Is Super Mario 3D World My New Favorite Mario Game?! | Attack the Backlog

Updated on Sunday, January 30, 2022 at 12:00PM by Marc Kusnierz

On this episode of Attack the Backlog, Marc furries it up with their best cat suit as the run, jump, and butt stomp their way through the worlds of Super Mario 3D World, a Mario game no one played when it originally came out that found a second life on the Switch (like every Wii U game) and is probably the closest we'll ever get to a proper Super Mario Bros. 2 sequel, which, if you know me, is a very good thing. Super Mario 3D World originally came out on November 22, 2013, for Wii U, but no one cared, so Nintendo released it again on February 12, 2021, for Switch, along with a brand new expansion titled Bowser’s Fury (which I have yet to play) and now people do care! Anyway, something-something, cat Toad is adorable and has me thinking things that make me feel deplorable, cheers and enjoy the...wait for it...show.

Anyway, that's it and that's all folks. You can get an even more in-depth discussion by listening to the podcast and, if you're feeling extra generous, you can become a patron, donate a little something, or subscribe to show your support for the site, the podcasts, the streaming, the videos, the art, and everything in between. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to consume any of the content I make and thank you for being a fan. I can't begin to express how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Cheers.

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Windjammers 2 Review

This review is based on 30 minutes of playtime on an Xbox Series X.

Windjammers 2 is available now (as of January 20th, 2022) on PC, PS4, Xbox One, and Switch, for $19.99

Coming into Windjammers 2 as someone who never played the original game, I had little to no expectations. I knew the first game was loved by many–or, at least, those who played it loved it–and knew it was some kind of sports game, but that was the extent of my knowledge.

To get straight to the meat and potatoes of my peanut butter and jammin’ sandwich(?), I don’t like Windjammers 2. I don’t think it’s a bad game, but it’s not a “me” game and, even if it could be, it does such a poor job of onboarding new players that any potential for me to enjoy my experience was doomed from the start.

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The End of an Era | The Pixelated Sausage Podcast

It's the end of an era. This is, for now and maybe forever, the final episode of The Pixelated Sausage Podcast. It's been quite the adventure and one hell of a ride, but I think anyone who's paid any attention has seen the writing on the wall for a while now; my heart just hasn't been in this show. My love and passion has been directed towards other projects--like Attack the Backlog and streaming--and this show just kept going on because I felt some weird obligation towards it. That's all over now and, while it is sad, I think it will lead to nothing but better content and the ability to work on new content I've been meaning to do for a while now. With that said, here is the final episode of The Pixelated Sausage Podcast. I hope you enjoy it and I will never be able to truly thank you all for supporting the show all these years. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Cheers. :)

Anyway...That's it and that's all folks. If you're feeling extra generous, you can become a patron, donate a little something, or subscribe to show your support for the site, the podcasts, the streaming, the videos, the art, and everything in between. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to consume any of the content I make and thank you for being a fan. I can't begin to express how much I appreciate each and every one of you. :)

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