The iPad 2: someone's getting punched in the face

I took this picture with my iPod Touch's camera. You know, because I'm all meta and shit.

I will try and make this quick, which essentially means I will ramble uncontrollably into a dyslexic mess of loquacious dialogue. I am now the proud owner of an iPad 2. Yes, the iPad 2 released today at 5PM local time and yes, I waited in line to guarantee a purchase. Believe it or not, this is the first time I have ever waited in a line such as this in order to buy a product. Let me say this, if all waiting lines are like this, I would happily become a "waiter" more often.

I decided to do something I never do on this thankfully lovely day. I have never participated in a midnight launch, nor have I every waited for a hot new console or piece of tech. I decided to make an exception for the iPad 2 because Amazon will not be selling it and if I am going to pay sales tax, I am sure as hell going to get that product on day one. So, I walked what would probably be a tad over two miles (one way) and found myself to be the third man in line at my local Best Buy -- one, I was literally the third man in line and two, my favorite number is three. What happened next came as a surprise.

My fellow waiters were actually quite awesome and they made time move faster, as well as making the awful experience of standing in one place bearable. I wish I could remember their names -- I actually don't remember if I ever got their names -- but I just have to say, they made the act of waiting more pleasant than Pleasantville. Some final notes: I apparently solve all problems by punching people in the face -- little girls too -- and while the act of obtaining my new iPad was ultimately satisfying, there is nothing quite like the feeling one gets from the expulsion of an excess of urine.

Thank you, and goodnight.

P.S. I will be sure to give actual impressions of the device relatively soon.

Update on Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 2:25AM by Marc Kusnierz

UPDATE: I don't really have much to say just yet, but I wanted to say that I am the lucky recipient of a broken iPad 2! The iPad as a whole is not broken, but the front-facing camera is fudged ridiculously. The picture is horrible and it has nothing to do with, "the iPad 2 just has a horrible camera." No, the picture flickers uncontrollably and has an extreme lack of color; a.k.a., it is essentially completely yellow-tinted.

This is all rather annoying and I really don't want to deal with lines or bs just to get it fixed, but I will ultimately resolve this issue most likely later next week. -- VIDEO