Review: Hydrophobia (XBLA)

There is plenty of water to be found in Hydrophobia... you won't have to worry about staying hydrated. I'm sorry.

Hydrophobia is a puzzle/action game for Xbox LIVE Arcade with a heavy emphasis on water, if that wasn't obvious from the title. Hydrophobia was never on my radar prior to actually playing it, and now I know the reason; it is not a very good game.

I had no expectations, which makes it a sad situation that Hydrophobia could not even reach my non-existent expectations. The game takes place in an underwater facility called 'The Queen of the World,' which may be a terribly unfunny call to James Cameron and Titanic, or I could simply be stretching. The story takes place over three horribly paced acts in which you play as security engineer, Kate Wilson. The first act is basically a long tutorial, the second is a bloated mess that never seems to end, and the third and final act ends sooner than expected. I won't spoil anything - not that there's much to spoil - but the ending actually made me like the game even less.

Sure, pacing is important, but easily forgiven if the rest of the game is good; however, the rest of Hydrophobia is not good. The game features a mix of puzzles, which aren't very puzzling, and shooting, which feels absolutely terrible. The game claims to feature " ground-breaking technology" and being of a quality comparable to disc-based games. Neither of these statements hold true. I found the water physics to be a tad exaggerated and they never really used the water in unique ways, but the real culprit is the awful combat system.

Just a little concept art... expect to see much of this "concept."

Hydrophobia starts off somewhat interesting, with water-based puzzles and some climbing here and there. But, as the game progresses, Hydrophobia thinks it is a good idea to throw more and more enemies at you. These enemies are never fun to fight and only serve to deliver annoyance time and time again. Your only weapon is a pistol with varying ammo types, and the game tries to throw in objects to use for environmental kills, but none of it is ever exciting, or more importantly, fun. In fact, the countless oil barrels may accidentally kill you more than your enemies.

When you finish the story mode - if you manage to stay interested - you will unlock a 'Challenge Mode,' which is essentially Horde Mode. The problem with 'Challenge Mode' is that it only lasts five rounds and is never challenging, mostly due to its extreme predictability. Besides 'Challenge Mode,' you have leaderboards and collectibles, but there really isn't much reason to keep playing after you pass go and wonder why you never received your two hundred buckaroos (this is my way of saying, "after you finish the game").

I honestly don't know what else to say. Hydrophobia is a mess of a game that feels unfinished and unworthy of your hard-earned cash. There are cut-scenes where someone may kill another person with an invisible gun, or your character [Kate] walking on stairs without actually ever touching a single step. Hydrophobia drove my nitpicky bum insane and despite lasting only three to four (ish) hours, I struggled to get past the first. There lies some potential in the tech, but Hydrophobia ends up as more of a pitch game than a finished game.