L.A. Noire just learned me all up in my face

Ignore the horribly written title above; my eyes are just opened to a whole new world of facts. Below I have listed a few discoveries fond during my time with L.A. Noire and I can't wait to put them into practice. I do not endorse any of these acts and if you attempt any of them, make sure you cry to Fox News. Because I know how stupid people can be, especially on the internet, let me say right now that this entire post is a joke. Thank you, come again.

• If your wife cheats on you, it is perfectly fine—and LAPD approved—to burn her house down.
• Everyone is a liar. This is always true, or I could be lying. You're filled with doubt now, aren't you?
• The characters mean nothing; cases mean everything.
• It is okay for cops to hit and run as long as they use the siren. It is, after all, common courtesy.
• Your obese mother can easily climb a pipe in her Sunday dress. She could also run a marathon and find a spot on the U.S. Olympic hurdles team.
• If you hit a car you're pursuing, you will give said car a speed boost while slowing down your car.
• There is nothing more important to a cop than his hat.
• All those ads saying, "You are an army of one," are actually true.
• Women are always looked down upon, but cheat on your wife and you're the devil.
• Don't move to Los Angeles.