Review: They Need To Be Fed (iOS)

They Need To Be Fed is a gravity-based platformer and a great example of how platforming should be done on a touch-only device. Not only do the controls work extremely well, the game matches this quality in all other departments. The visuals are lovingly stylistic and the level design gets progressively more challenging and constantly introduce new mechanics. It is you who needs to be fed; fed this game. I already know what you're going to say before you say it, so be kind, rewind, and shut up.

Now that I have insulted my few readers, let's get serious. The goal is to feed a monster located at the end of each level. Each level contains anywhere from one to three stars, with a certain number of stars needed to open each new world. The gameplay consists of jumping from object to object with a heavy focus on gravity. No matter what you do, you can never fall to your death; you always land on something. What They Need To Be Fed does better than most games is the addition of new elements at an almost perfect pace. I never got bored and the game never felt repetitive.

You may remember that I mentioned you can never fall to your death. Well, that doesn't mean you never die. There are plenty of hazards added after the first few levels and you actually die at the end of each level. That's right folks ©, the way you feed those in need is by feeding them your precious self. The game does have its challenging moments, but for the most part, it is fairly accessible and never punishing. Also, "that's right folks" is not copyrighted.

At only a dollar (HD version available for $1.99), They Need To Be Fed is a great buy. It may be quick and short, most likely mirroring your sex life, but it is a constant joy and I doubt anyone would feel robbed -- though I could see Phil-n Rob'd (an inside joke so inside that it falls outside). If you're starving for an iOS platformer, you can't do much better than They Need To Be Fed, though I hear sausage is good for feeding appetites too.

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Below rests a little ol' test with spunk and zest. Featuring gameplay from They Need To Be Fed, which is what I just said. There is more to come, "that's what she said," replied the bum. Get used to my rhyming because soon you'll be pining. I'm really just an idiot, so much so that I can't rhyme idiot. Serious time: this video was recorded/edited by myself to see how it would come out -- first time attempting to record video from my iPod. Lastly, there is no game audio at the moment because the little component I need is currently in transit as we speak, so I just threw in a chiptune to make it more bearable. It may also convince you to check out Chiptune Weekly!