The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing review: not so incredible, eh

The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing originally came out on PC in May of 2013 and, only a few months ago, has now found its way onto the Xbox One. Now, Van Helsing is a game I've always been interested in as a fan of isometric action-RPGs like Diablo; however, I've never played any of the games until now, but, in large part because the game was free for Xbox LIVE Gold members when it launched on December 1st, 2015, I have finally put some time into the game and, I must say, it's not so incredible.

I don't know what I was expecting when I jumped into the world of Van Helsing, but I was, at the very least, expecting to find a world filled with a slew of enemies asking to taste the edge of my blade--I played as a mage, so, technically they'd be asking to taste the lightning from my fingertips (or something like that)--and, while I had no trouble finding enemies, I never once enjoyed slaying any of them, and no, I don't mean I felt some deep, emotional connection to the werewolves and harpies I killed without question, but that I, never, not even once, found any of the action enjoyable. The problem with Van Helsing is that the combat lacks the weight and oomph I desire and the enemies lack the ability to attack in any way other than a constant barrage of small bunches, like moths to a bright light, removing any strategy or thought from the equation. That said, I could have probably lived with the monotonous nature of Van Helsing's combat if the rest of the game grabbed me in any way, but, sadly, the combat is one of the better parts of the game.

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PSP #273: The Order: 1886 vs. The Dentist and More from the Tales of Horr...or

What's this? The Pixelated Sausage Podcast is back (with no vengeance) on a Wednesday of all days (just like I said it was going to be) with a brand new episode full of highs and lows, all the while the host, Marc, is never high, their voice low, as they work on some art for y'all and the show. All that said, today's show covers many different things, from games to TV to movies and even the dentist and why the dentist is the worstest thing in a world where "worstest" is actually in the dictionary (with a picture of a dentist serving as the only definition, of course); and, the whole time, Marc is drawing a pretty picture (see below), so, enjoy the show and check out the list below if y'all want to see what bits o' nonsense were talked about on today's not-too-shabby show.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #272: Galavant / Mr. Robot / Infamous: Second Son / The Family...

In the first episode (of this podcast) of 2016, Marc talks about a few TV shows they really like--one way more than they ever could have expected--before moving onto Infamous: Second Son--which, if nothing else, still looks awfully pretty even compared to games that came out a month (or two) ago--and a random movie simply called The Family, starring Robert De Niro and Michele Pfeiffer (and some young lady from Glee). This episode is short, not very sweet, and a great listen when you have to pee, so don't buckle up, do unzip, and let 'er pee like the birds and the bees 'cause I don't know what I'm talking about anymore; though, we both know I never really did--which kind of, not really, almost rhymes with excrement. Cheers and happy new year.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #271: The Best, Worst, and Most Surprising Anime of 2015...

In today's episode--the last episode of 2015--Marc looks back at the world of anime and talks about the best, worst, most disappointing, and most surprising shows of the year, surprising some with what they found disappointing, disappointing others with what they were most surprised by, and confusing everyone else with their weird way of speaking--Marc talk funny, eh, but they no funny, nay. Anyway, anywhoo, anime, cheers for a great year that flew by and, speaking for all of us here who regularly spit nonsense into your ear(s), we hope y'all continue enjoying what we throw out at ya in 2016, 20xx, and beyond...please don't sue us, Pixar.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #270: Trainwreck / Sleeping with Other People / Man Up...

Today's show is all about movies, all of 'em romantic comedies, actually, that vary in quality greatly, from, well, great, to anything but great, creeping around feelings close to that thing called hate, but there's so much more than that to say and say it Marc does in their very special way. And so, with all that nonsense said, Marc talks about a handful of movies--including one hell of a train wreck of a movie--while beginning to mentally prepare for the last episode of the year, which will be full of all the anime--all of it, literally--so enjoy this shorter episode while y'all can 'cause the next one will, quite possibly, never end.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #269: Star Wars: The Force Awakens vs. The Fifth Element...

First and foremost, whether y'all are celebrating this thing or that, I hope y'all are having a wonderful day and enjoying your (hopeful) time away from work, school, or whatever usually takes up the main portion of your day. Now, with that out of the way, today's special (not-so-special) episode is all about Star Wars: The Force Awakens (and a few elements, too), full of spoilers and all that jazz, so, don't say y'all weren't warned. And thus, may the horse be with you so you won't have to walk across the sky, solo, 'cause your BB gun only has eight bullets left and that's not nearly enough to shoot first and foremost.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #268: Favorite Game(s) of 2015...

On today's shorter-than-usual episode--give 'em a break, it's the end of the year and whatnot--Marc talks about their favorite games of 2015, quickly realizing they don't have that many; in fact, only one game really sticks out and, if y'all are regular listeners, the game that sticks out shouldn't be much of a surprise; though, if y'all really don't know, just know--that I, Marc, can only use the word, "know," no more than three times in one sentence--that the game pictured above is most certainly, without question, not at all, never ever going to be Marc's favorite game of any time, anywhere, any ever; that said, the game pictured above is perfectly fine, but it's nowhere near as good as it could (and should) have been.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #267: ARK: Survival Evolved / Fargo (Season One) / Ant-Man...

On the day when everyone is thinking about one thing and one thing only--Star Wars--Marc talks about a whole bunch of things, all of which aren't that aforementioned thing 'cause they won't be seeing that thing for a while and isn't the biggest fan of that thing either--please be gentle. That said, if y'all want to hear about a game with dinosaurs, defecating, and throwing that which you defecate at said dinosaurs, a TV show that goes far, and an itsy-bitsy movie that Marc can't, man' wait to tell y'all about, well, then this is the show for you.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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PSP #266: Rainbow Six Siege / PlayStation vs. Xbox / Where to Watch Anime...

Today's episode is short and sweet like smelly feet except feet aren't sweet, stinky or not, sweet is something no one would call feet, unless they're revealing something awfully kinky. Nonsense aside, Marc talks about streaming anime and why Hulu may be a much better option than y'all think--'tis crazy, eh. After that, Marc talks about rainbows, the number six, and how your friend picking "S.W.A.T. Sniper Dude" can really ruin your evening. And last but not least, Marc compares the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One, picking a [personal] favorite.

Anyway, that's it and that's all, folks, and, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s); it's not free to host the site, the show, to make and record videos, and everything in between, so, anything would be greatly appreciated, even if you just tell a friend or two about the site and show(s). Y'all can also support the site by shopping at Amazon if that's what ya like.

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Why shoot around cover when you can shoot through cover?

Just started playing a smidgen of Rainbow Six Siege and, while there are many problems with the game, the environmental destruction is quite lovely, allowing for such nonsense like this--I'm really good at stealth.

Why shoot around cover when you can shoot through cover? #rainbowsixsiege #videogames #xboxone

A video posted by Marc Kusnierz (@pxsausage) on Dec 14, 2015 at 11:26am PST